This morning I woke up in a haze. The air was cooler than cool and my vision blurry. I could function to my full capabilities, creating well thought conversation and moving as I should. I could not shake the feeling that I was in some drunken, drugged haze. I didn’t remember part of the night previous.
Apparently I had been yelling and screaming. I try to think back, sift through those filed thoughts to discover what the issue may have been. It wasn’t anything in particular though, no event or person. Except, you could say me. And then later in the day I realised it.
I’ve been living to the point of enough. To work, do things I’m expected and live that way. Live for the just enough. Just enough self care, just enough money saved, just enough friends. I needed a a change. Another mental step in the right direction.
I reach out for help. For my supports, to drinking a coffee and talking. Likewise, a friend reaches out to me. I think to myself should you really go and meet with your friend like this, surely it will just ruin the mood and relationship. Yet, this person is my friend, knows how I act and accepts me so I go for it.
Together we journey on a mental cleanse, beginning with screaming in the car, yelling lyrics and simply telling each other that we have to;
LET IT BE
We run into the freezing, fresh waves. Laughing and taking in the new energy. We float, carried by the waves gently forwards and backwards. The ocean is a beautiful place, with so much depth and detail.
The sea foam tentatively creeps up the beach, twinkling a shy hello in the sun. It laps at my toes as if to shake my hand in a greeting.
We know deep down when something’s not right. That something is niggling at our brain, creating cracks in smooth foundations. What can be done, except to carry on though? The ups and downs sprinkle our lives like salt and pepper. Flavouring to an otherwise average meal. Sometimes it’s worth having too much. To learn from it and change for next time.