I Am Who I Am
I define myself.
People inspire me.
But, I am who I am.
It is dangerous to place people on pedestals. Both for you and them. Expectations after all, are powerful frame of minds. I am beyond the point where he is on a pedestal. I would even like to think I am beyond placing others on pedestal however, that would only be naïve. It feels satisfying to have taken that next step though. I reached this point only due to the fact that I have now been in his position. To love someone who is only a broken fragment of themselves. To watch from the sideline and have to accept that you can only do so much. Sometimes I don’t understand how he did it for that long. I suppose it is inspiring me with patience at the moment. Reflecting, I was at the turning point when he had had enough. And, we both needed to be rid of each other. I have no idea how he is at the moment but I wish him well. This is not about him though. I’ve learnt that. This – this life, that is – my life, its about me. I have had such a journey and so has my family. This year was not my time, but my sister’s. 2017 for me, is about supporting my mental state and sticking by my family.
This year has been possibly one of the hardest years on my family and everything seemed to happen within the same few months. Shockwaves. That’s how I would describe them. Each one, I have realised, have not been directly occurring to me. And, it is as each occurs that I almost wish it was, so I could take the direct pain away from them. Yet, my year is less about learning to deal with events happening to me and more learning about how to deal with events affecting my loved ones and how to differentiate between supporting and taking on other people’s issues. This is what I have learnt. You can only do so much.
I can not fix these occurrences. All I can do is stay by the sides of those I love and support them along the way. These then turn into:
- A renewed relationship
Notice, only one thing changed. That’s because things take time and may not necessarily fix themselves. And, that’s okay too. The people that these events are happening to still need my support. They still have it. All I can do for them is stay true to myself. But, who am I?
The Loaded Question: Who Am I?
Who am I? Its such a loaded question. In their lives, everyone asks themselves this at least once. It is perhaps one of the most difficult questions in the universe. For, there is always that cloud hanging over on whether you are who you are because of other people or because of the fact that that is simply who YOU are.
In terms of this question. I am who I am. And that is, a young woman who is proud, determined and heartfelt. I am in love with the world. There is so much to take in that I don’t believe that I could cover it all in a million lifetimes. I am a girl who falls in love easily but never falls out of love. I love two men who I don’t think I will ever stop loving. For I have given them both a piece of my heart and soul. The rest of course, belongs to my family of whom, also include my friends.
The music I listen to is a reflection of myself as well. My music is who I am. And in saying this, I am referring to the songs of my sorrow that I scream in the shower and the same songs that I sing in joy. The same tune and lyrics, different emotion. As I said, my music is who I am. One musician who inspires me with this thought is Will Wagner of the Smith Street Band. All of his songs are filled with pure soul. They are an opening into his thoughts and feelings that are always a pleasure to experience. This is an inspiration for my music and my snippet of my own feelings and thoughts.
I love myself and who I have become. I am quirky, loving and genuine. I am not afraid to cry in front of a crowd and I no longer shy away when I am feeling different to others. Everyone knows what it feels like to be an individual. This is why, I am who I am.
Be who you are,