Remember: Check Yourself
Reflection is an imperative facet of managing mental health. I once was offered the advice to take a self-inventory. Reflect on your past actions, both the good and the bad, admit when you have done wrong immediately and frankly then, learn and move forward. The following is my evening’s reflection.
I have spent the day’s entirety cleaning my soon to be non-home from top to bottom. Rigorously rubbing marks off of walls, hoovering up dust mites, meticulous mopping – I think you know the drill. Boring activities that are necessities.
Yesterday was spent pretending that I would eventually do all the things I have done today. Twiddling away time with film after film until my brain and body were so numb that it felt as if I had in fact completed the required activities when I had so obviously (from the state of the house) had not. I know lie in my bedroom, quite comfortably I may add, surrounded by wonderfully scented, glowing candles. One in particular smells of ‘vanilla caramel butterscotch’ and, would you believe, burns and crackles like a wood firewood. It is comforting, to say the least. Playing on my record player is a choral soundtrack labelled, ‘Songs of Joy’. I picked this record up from an op shop quite some time ago and it has been sitting on my record shelf for a long while. Each song seems to be equipped with a full choir and organ and I must admit, I feel quite ridiculous listening to it, however, it is bringing me joy (as a record labelled, ‘Songs of Joy’ should).
Things have quietened down. Work is finished for a Christmas break, Miles is busy working a new job, trying to earn money for a new car and everyone else seems to be simply floating in and out of my subconscious. My aim for this next week is to begin pulling people back into my focus. I described today that I feel as if I am living on a stage and am just waiting for people to walk on from the wings. No more. No more waiting for people to come, instead, I need to work on bringing people to me and making myself available to people.
With the new year fast approaching I can’t help but once again think about what I would like to accomplish in the next year. Hopefully, I will be able to save some solid money once moving back in with my parents and then I will be able to venture back out again with my own place. I will aim to travel once again this year, this time to Asia (I hope).
I have many other hopes that I don’t think I am quite ready to share or even write down as they are close to my heart and often hard for even myself to acknowledge, especially since I am not even sure they are what I want or lead me to who I want to be.
Until next time,
Unapologetically Molly xoxo